What Happens When Your Toddler Gets Your Phone...

our trip to Yosemite

hello this it A, i will be substitute blogging for you this evening because my wife is out

Today i am here to tell you all about our sons first birthday. For the past few weeks now M was toying with me and telling me that she had an awesome surprise in store for LD (Little Dude) and I for his birthday. well a few days ago she finally told me that she had plans to take us to Yosemite to go backpacking. Now this may sound crazy to some, but i really wanted to take LD backpacking before he turned one year.

I've wanted to pretty much since he was born. i was sooo excited. after she told me, all i could think about was what preparations needed to be done in order to make our trip successful. i employed some of my ultralight backpacking techniques to create a manageable pack weight for each of us while i would also be wearing LD on my back in our Osprey Poco Plus. Last Thursday morning we finally arrived in Yosemite after waking up at 3AM to drive while LD slept and make it to the permit office before it opened. The first thing we did was go straight to the permit issuing office to attempt to get a backpacking permit leading from Happy Isles to Little Yosemite Valley.

   Unfortunately it was a no go... permits were not available for our destination. we were all very bummed but decided to make the best of it. since i recently became an ordained Dudeist Priest (story for another day) i tried to keep to my faith and "abide" as the Dude most assuredly would have given the situation. So we decided to do our hike anyways and just hike it as a day hike instead of with our overnight gear. the hike was alot of fun. it was my first time up to the top of Vernal Falls and in the poor shape i was in it was quiet grueling, but the mountain air kept me going. we made it to the top around lunch and sat down for a bite to eat by the Vernal pool. after lunch we headed back down and by the time we made it , we both thought our legs were made of jello. We went to the visitor center and picked up LD's junior Nat'l Parks Passport Companion book and his Nat'l Parks Passport. M helped him stamp it which i know she really enjoyed. we went over to camp 4 and much to our dismay, we found out there were no available camp sites.

 We were thinking great... we drove here super early and now we are going to have to drive home the same night. we got dinner (pizza at Degnan's) and went to do a few other things, hoping that it would be easier to drive with LD tired and ready to sleep the whole way home. at about 9 we left the park with him wide awake. And then the nightmare began..... he began to scream, and scream, and scream. we thought he was tied and would most likely fall asleep in a few minutes. well, he didn't. we had to pull over to console and give him a break at crane flat. after about a half hour of waiting, we tried again. i pulled out of crane flat and after a minute or two, it started again. he screamed and screamed we thought we would come up to the park entrance soon enough and that we could stop there safely. i drove on and on thinking it should be coming up soon. after what felt like hours, and was probably actually about 45 minutes (still a long time to listen to your child screaming bloody murder) we see a sign for May Lake. AWWWWW SHIT. i feel horrible now because i realize i made a wrong turn somehow out of Crane Flat. I'm not about to repeat that trip back down to CF so we stop and decide to sleep in the car awhile, by now its about 11pm. i organize the back a little so M and LD can lay down in a sleeping bag. i try to sleep sitting up in the front seat which goes miserably for me. after about 2 hours of attempting to sleep. i wake up M and say we need to keep moving toward home. we buckle LD back up and he sleeps (for awhile) i drive until i feel like i cant do it any longer and then switch with M.

 i pass out in the passenger seat and wake up later when hes awake and screaming again. at this point we are nearing Sonora and decide we have to pull over and sleep again. so here we are at a god awful hour of the morning, attempting to sleep with me propped up in the driver seat and M squished in the back. from about 3am to 630am. we made due the best we could and managed to get a little restful sleep. at about 630 we woke up and were able to drive the rest of the way home. we couldn't even nap that day because we had so much preparation to do for LD's upcoming birthday BBQ. but man did i sleep well that night...

all in all im still glad we went.

(This has been edited with photographic proof of a good time had by all. Love M.)!

Death...and Taxes

Dudes, I have sad sad news. A has killed his phone. The good news is, that the cost of killing a phone is not nearly as high as that of killing a person. We will just have to pay the deductible to get him a new phone with free overnight shipping. Saweet! The thing is, what killed the phone is the death that we have allowed to be brought into our lives. It's funny, becoming a parent. You suddenly want everything to be great for your kids. You don't settle for less than what you feel they deserve. When they are kids, that's great. But, when they are adults we need to let them decide for themselves. Equally hard though, is when your kids become parents. I'm obviously not there yet, but we have been seeing how hard it is first hand. It's a struggle, especially when parenting ideals between the new grandparents and new parents don't align. At that point it all comes down to respect. But being a parent changes your outlook on life. You start changing your own life because of the things you want for your child(ren) and family down the road.

That's what has happened here. Someone said something to me yesterday that really resonates with me. Really has me stuck on what it means to have relationships and to have positive and healthy relationships. I got a lot of good advisement yesterday from a variety of sources and after sleeping on those things I have some words to say, some pride to swallow, and some wisdom to impart.

Words:
"You are speaking death into my marriage" Those were the first words that actually spoke to me about the situation we have been encountering with family lately. These words are true about all relationships though, not just marriage. I'd never heard it put this way, but I've said something similar to A. I have a friend whom I love. I don't dislike her husband, but I'm not his biggest fan. A asked me why don't I say something to her about it. I was shocked, and asked him why would I do that. After all, he's not my husband and it's her life and all that it would accomplish would be to cause a rift between my friend and I. Why would it cause a rift? Because I know her, and she (like myself) would be like, that's your opinion but he's my husband and I don't want to hear it. It speaks death into her marriage. Think about why we say the nasty things we say about other people. It's because we want to cause them to be separated and isolated from others. We may justify it as wanting to protect those we love, but the end result is the same: death to that relationship.

Swallowing Pride:
I am sorry to Natalie Hansen. I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said to her and the pain that I have caused her. Not my best moments. I hope that someday she can forgive me, when she is ready.

Wisdom:
If I want my son to know how to be a grown up (someday), or how to be a good man and have a good marriage then WE need to model that for him. We need to show him how to be a good person, respectful, caring, and genuine. I want my son to know that adults are not perfect, that family is important and that we need to have healthy boundaries to have healthy relationships. Healthy boundaries include those boundaries we place on ourselves. One of my own personal boundaries is to: live a life I'm not ashamed of. This is a part of that. Instead of being ashamed of my actions, I can learn from them, offer them to others as an example of 'what not to do' and I can atone for my misdeeds. If I want to give my son a better life, then I need to start by being a better model for him. If we want to change this world, then we need to start with changing ourselves. I want my son to fight for a relationship with us, if God forbid we find ourselves in the same situation again. So, WE need to show him what it looks like to fight for that, while protecting our hearts and each other. Because, when your children are grown what you have left is your spouse. So you need to protect them as much as you protect your children.


We have allowed death to be spoken into our marriage, and we have spoken death into the relationship with A's parents. We both have. We also allowed for it all to happen. We didn't stop and make the conscious effort to stop it, not do it ourselves, and sow in health and happiness. And that's about to change. We are changing that. It started last night and it is going to go on everyday of my life; so that our son will know what humility, respect, honor, love, family, and devotion all look like.  

Peking Duck

I'm not sure who decided to spread the myth that children are selfish and not good at sharing. But, they weren't correct. Not to say that they are wrong, they just aren't correct. Adults make kids bad at sharing. We teach them they have to give up whatever they have whenever someone else wants it, or after they've had it for a preset amount of time. Lets talk about unfair. We aren't teaching our kids to genuinely give and share when we do this. We just teach them that their wants don't matter and that they will get trouble if they don't give up their toy, color crayon, or stuffed animal.

When we let our kids play with their toys and crayons etc for as long as they like then, we are teaching them that their feelings matter to us and that when they are ready they can freely give up the item. No bullying, no punishment, no screaming. Just genuine love. Think about when Andy gives away his toys at the end of ToyStory3. He does it with such love, you know you bawled your eyes when it happened. That's what we should be teaching our kids. Sharing is caring, when it's done from a place of confidence not fear.

What does this have to do with raising a Little Dude to love the outdoors? Well, at some point we must address sharing. Ideally we'd address it now, because being squished between A and LD isn't cool and I don't want to share my bed with this many warm bodies, especially since A has been sick all day and I had to drag him to the grocery store earlier. Anyways, where was I...oh yes, what this has to do with our LD. He is an excellent sharer...if sharing his duck with dad counts. The other day it happened. He started offering A his yellow rubber duckie during their bath together. I came in to find the happiest LD shoving his duckie into A's mouth and then retrieving it and shoving it in his mouth. Back and forth whenever A asked for the duckie. My Little Dude can share!

Enjoy some of the beautiful moments caught on camera.

*Disclaimer
No duckies were harmed in the making of these moments and there aren't any visible penises.

"You have tomatoes in your front yard..."

Back in Sacto! Lots of changes going on with us, daily! What hasn't changed is that raising our LD is still an adventure. Now that we are back home the adventures are around every corner! LD is older and he's standing and starting to work on walking. Of course this also means he is getting into everything and our poor Stew is his favorite thing to chase. We have to help keep him out of LD's reach. All dogs are fun to LD!

We are also getting more teeth! #7 and #8 are coming in as I type. He is also biting my calf as I type, OUCH!  I hope we get a break for a while after these two finish coming in.

Almost first on our agenda for coming home was the garden! No more apartment, garden rules! I did some reading up on hugels and we are working on one of those in the actual garden. So for this year we planted a very small garden in the front flower bed. 2 tomatoes, cantaloupe, bell peppers, patypan squash, and pumpkin. Super small, but it's something, and now Z will get to have a home grown pumpkin for Halloween! (And of course his grandma has a lovely garden coming in with some butternut just for him). It's only temporary, just this one year, while we get the hugel set up and the backyard rototilled and reseeded. It doesn't seem to bother anyone in our neighborhood and they aren't coming up to our house to take veggies, so I think we are solid! Although, it has elicited some comments from family about the location of my tomatoes and curb appeal.

Curb appeal, for one summer it's not going to hurt our curb appeal. Plus, maybe that's the kind of buyer we will be looking for whenever we do sell our house. A nice young free spirited couple, like ourselves, just trying to make it in life while living the dream.

On The Road Again...

It is never ending. Relocating is such a pain in and of itself, but with family (especially a LD) it's a nightmare. There's no certainty on the horizon for A's potential future job with REI, and I've been waiting for a solid yes or no from a company since March. Last word was they still hadn't decided on who to interview face to face. But life must go on, wherever the jobs are. And we'll be together, wherever that is.

Hopefully somewhere that will facilitate LD's climbing. The dude is on a roll! He climbs everything that has foot and/or hand holds. As soon as one of us finds comparable work we will have to make a small climbing wall for LD. I'm super excited, a bit concerned, and deeply saddened-as most moms probably would be. He is getting so big and I miss my little man that was born early and so small. He is now bigger than kids older than him and has 6 teeth. He no longer wants to nap the day away in my arms. He wants to climb this thing and that, play with his train set, and "crawl" around. Though...crawling is not exactly what he does. It seems he isn't a fan of crawling. A few movements and then he's trying to stand himself up to walk. I don't know if he'll ever properly crawl, but I think walking will be upon us shortly.

And frolicking in the garden! My son has taken after his mom and has developed a love of tools and plants. Today I taught him how to transplant basil, after he decided that the shovel we got A for Father's Day was actually his, not A's. He watched very carefully as A began digging the trench in our garden. Lord help us, we might be raising the next generation of hippie.

Homeward Bound!

So, we are heading home to Sac. Its been an emotional and crazy two weeks, but this is our next step. We have a house there that we can better afford than this apartment and, most importantly, family.

That's a word that gets thrown around a lot, 'family'. But truly, we have been blessed with the most amazing family. And I don't just mean the biological families we came from. I include the many friends that we count as family. Today we received a phone call from one such person. She was beside herself with grief for our situation and it was very touching to know she cares for us so much. But she is not alone. We have received calls from many of our styled family. Words of love and encouragement to get us through. Now we are hoping to go home to that family and our biological family. Surrounded by kinship and love we will work our way back up from the ground.

So in a few weeks we'll be back to our adventures in parenting our Little Dude!! Hang in there with us as we make the move home. Much love to all our family.

ps. Little Dude went to his very first REI Used Gear Sale!! Yes, he's a member.

Flying by the Seat of our Pants...and Diaper.

Some of you already know what I'm about type. We've been conspicuously silent via social media on this, you want to know where we stand and what's going on. Here's the update:

Last Wednesday A was laid off as REI began their restructuring. He was not alone. We estimate that approximately 50 managers were displaced by the restructuring, including some of our good friends. The company cut 70 million dollars from their budget this year. Let me say that again so it really sinks in. They cut 70 million dollars from the budget. Wouldn't it be great if our federal government could do that!? That's a lot of dough. After the initial shock and devastation we sat down and discussed what would come next. What did we want going forward.

Background for those that don't know us personally: a few years ago we agreed to buy our house solely on A's income so that I could be a stay at home mom when we had kids and we could still survive. Until we moved to Fresno I still worked, since being a football trainer at a high school is extremely part time. With the move I became a full blown stay at home mom. Have loved every minute of it. But, that means we are entirely dependent on A's, now non existent, income.

Going forward it is very clear what we want. No child care, a parent with our kids at all times. Job(s) that is relevant to the outdoor/fitness world and lifestyle. Whatever that looks like. It was decided. With what A learned from HR about coming openings for managers (which would allow him to move laterally within the company) we set at getting him geared up for applications and the whole mess. Resume, cover letter, phone calls to stores to learn more about them, more phone calls to the same stores, making the list of stores that are good fits, and actually applying.

We are near the end of this process and will soon be waiting to hear for which stores he made the interview pools. Hopefully all that he applies to. Besides these openings we are also considering other options, but secretly hoping and praying that we are moving to the east coast or the south in a few weeks because he's been chosen by an REI there. I have put my resume out to other companies in the outdoor industry who are looking for someone with my stellar qualifications. We are waiting to hear back. This is a lot of hurry up and wait and the waiting is killer.

We cannot afford to stay here in the Freazy. So we will be breaking our lease, no matter what, at the end of the month. We will box up our things and wait to hear what is going to happen. By the end of April we should know where we are going. Either to the eastern seaboard or back to Sacramento. It is with all of our hopes and prayers though, that no matter what A continues on with REI doing what he loves. This is man who so believes in this company that after being displaced he stood up and told his, now former, core staff that everything that is going on is so that REI can keep gearing people up for another 100 years. That he is okay being temporarily displaced while the company restructures. I'm so very proud of him and I pray that his attitude will be what really strikes at the hearts of these potential stores.

When we know more, we will let you all know. But until then please keep us, and all the displaced managers, in your thoughts and/or prayers.

We have Toothage!! Much like Carthage...

Our LD bust out his first tooth last night, just days before he turns 7mo! He's getting so big, it makes me a little sad. This tooth explains the last two nights of awful sleep we've all gotten. Nothing like kicking the dog off the bed so you can sleep at the foot instead. Good thing we have such a great dog.

LD went on his first camping trip over the weekend too. It was pretty good, but got too cold for a little dude. He and I bailed while our dog and the hubs camped out. To keep LD warm enough he needed to be in my bag with me. But to have him safely in my bag I had to have it un zipped and my upper body out of the bag. No bueno. Even a down sweater couldn't keep me warm. So, we'll go again in a few months when the weather is warmer!

It seems natural to me that we incorporate our son into our lifestyle instead of changing our lifestyle. There are a lot of folks out there that frown upon the more natural parenting style and the more natural life. I don't usually seem to run into them, but I hear horror stories from other natural mamas. Pediatricians who don't approve of not vaccinating, the use of amber necklaces, making ones own baby food, breast feeding without vitamin D supplement...the list goes on. It makes me a little sad for these women. I'm not special, I'm sure my pediatrician disapproves of some things we do. He can't stand Dr. Sears, though he is a former student of his. But the only thing our pediatrician has ever said concerning our more natural approach is to remove LD's amber necklace at night when we're all asleep. I shudder to think what some other pediatrician might say about our choices. But you know, does it really matter? LD loves his homemade peas and his boob, he's well fed and loved. And that is a recurrent theme I find in the natural parenting community, well loved babies...with awesome cloth diaper prints. Most parents I've met make their choices for the same reasons, the love of their children. So let us all parent our kids in our own way. Your child might be a wiz at computers by 5, but my goal is for LD to be a wiz at nature by 5.

In flu Enza

There is an old song, children's nursery rhyme, about the flu. I don't recall the exact words but its about shutting the windows and doors to keep the bird Enza from flying in the house. Well, we've all got it. Even LD. Of course I, like every mom, want to make my child feel better. But not at the expense of his long term health. So before we packed him up for the pediatrician's office I ran out and got baby vitamin C. Attempting to slowly and safely reach vitamin C saturation in an infant...not so easy. I don't want to scare him by giving him explosive diarrhea.

Knowing that RDV means nothing for practical purposes and/or therapeutic dosing, I had to go with common sense. So a dose and a half 3 times a day. Didn't reach saturation that day. But, I didn't want to up the dose either. A little can go a long way if you're on the cusp of saturation. The next day we went to the quack. And I say that lovingly, I adore our pediatricians. It's the flu. Awesome. But good news was/is he's handling it really well. So I've continued the vitamin C 3x daily. No diarrhea, but then it occurred to me he isn't likely going to get diarrhea when he is using everything he's consuming to fight the flu. He hasn't pooped in days. Well he pooped today and it was runny. Four days of slowly reaching saturation and we did it.

After seeing the pediatrician today I can say that it looks like LD will be on the mend soon. He is no longer getting worse, so we should see improvement in a day or so and then continuing improvement from then on. I think I will continue the vitamin C therapy though, just to ensure he doesn't get any other illness that might come home with dad.

Slack Lining...

Oh my. Yes, we took LD slack lining today. Packed up some lunches in the Poco, grabbed the line, crash pad and canine and headed to the park. A mostly slack lined and I mostly hung out with LD. But I got myself up too! First time since I was about 4.5 months pregnant, totally rusty but still fun. We even got LD on the line for the first time. It was lots of fun trying to get him to stand on the line. I think he needs a few more years before he goes pro.

How to Get it Done!

When we first got pregnant my wonderful husband was so excited to buy an Osprey Poco. This is the premier child carrier for hiking. He researched and researched, became an expert, and finally settled on which model he wanted. It got to the point of annoying before he made his choice. But, he's thorough like his father. Well, decision made or not there were other priorities. So LD came and no Poco in our home.

After a promotion, and relocation, the hubs found one at his store's Used Gear Sale for a great price. So he got it for LD for Christmas. LD likes it and so do we! Hiking made possible, walking the dog made easier, and even laundry. Since he hates his carseat the Poco makes a great alternative! That is...until he falls asleep and you need to get him out.

Where's the maps? Why are the maps gone!?

In all the relocations I've made in my life I've never been more disappointed than the move to Fresno. It's not that its a terrible place, I actually like it here. We are members of the VW club, beard and moustache club, disc golf group, I'm a member of the local LLL chapter. It's nice...as long as you don't want to hit a trail (with a map) in any of the city or county parks, including recreational areas maintained by the county. There are no maps.

When we first ventured over the highway to the park, I asked the park attendant for a trail map. I got a map of the roads and that was about all that was on it. I was fairly disappointed, so I asked a different attendant...same map. I went online to find a map, surely someone has a map. I mean this park has 13 acres of land with nothing but trails. No. No trail maps anywhere. Not even a map of the cross country course, which is terrible since the CC CIF championships are held at this park. I gave up trying to find a map and figured my Garmins would end up mapping the park as we explored it. Fast forward to today. Now, one of our new years resolutions was to get out with LD into nature (the disc golf course doesn't count, neither does the park) at least once a month. I pulled up Google maps and hunted around for where to go that our bug could make the drive to.

Enter todays destination, a recreational area just about 10 miles out of town, Lost Lakes Rec Area. I found the place last week and started doing my research for what there was to do. According to the research there are hiking trails, nature trails, camping sites, fishing areas, backpacking, picnic areas etc. Sounds pretty great. I then started to try to find myself a map of these trails or at least the area. No dice. How the fuck does the county not have a damn map!? I searched and searched and came up dry. So we went and decided to live dangerously: map free. I didn't even bring my Garmin.

It was fun, cold and a short stroll along the nature trail. Our ever faithful dog got let off leash and had a ball! Very tired when we got home. LD was up in the Osprey Poco bundled up in a bunting suit and his knit wool beanie. We ran into another member of the beard and moustache club, he was out fly fishing, and chatted a bit. It was a short day out given that the temperature was below 45f and we wanted to make sure LD didn't get cold, or catch one. But its close enough that we may make a return trip in the next week or so and explore the other side.

I've started researching possibilities for our next outing and I may make it a requirement that they have a map. I want to enjoy nature and the wild life, not get lost and disappear in it.

Climb on!

The local park near us has all the usual park features: jungle gym, grassy areas, ponds, picnic areas, bathrooms etc. However, it also has some pretty awesome other features: disc golf course (complete with moving baskets, 18 holes, and putting area), cross country course, equine trails, BMX training area, BMX competition area, mountain bike skills area, freaking huge amphitheatre (shaded), dog park, 13 undeveloped acres with trails, Japanese garden, and one of the jungle gym areas has a boulder complete with holds. It's a outdoor freak's sanctuary in the city.

This morning we walked over (luxury of living just over the highway from the park) to the park with Little Dude and our dog for some time at the bouldering area. It's clearly posted, multiple times, its for ages 6+ with spotter and adult supervision at all times. We supervised ourselves. We tool turns traversing the boulder while the other walked the stroller and dog. It was a good little workout and free! It has some loose holds, but otherwise its perfect for being free-if you walk in. There's a spot to practice smearing, crack climbing, over hangs, chimney etc. This was our first time out there...probably shouldn't have chosen a Saturday, there were lots of little kids.

After lunch LD and I pulled out the hang board and laid it on his quilt for a little test to see how he felt about it. I had to eventually take it away as he kept using it to pull himself towards it. I think in a few short months we'll need to build him his own climbing wall for the apartment, once he's mastered that we can take him to the boulder at the park. Maybe take him after a round of disc golf just to show him. Let's face it, right now he can't truly decide if he will like it or want to do it. But what kid doesn't like climbing all over things?