Death...and Taxes

Dudes, I have sad sad news. A has killed his phone. The good news is, that the cost of killing a phone is not nearly as high as that of killing a person. We will just have to pay the deductible to get him a new phone with free overnight shipping. Saweet! The thing is, what killed the phone is the death that we have allowed to be brought into our lives. It's funny, becoming a parent. You suddenly want everything to be great for your kids. You don't settle for less than what you feel they deserve. When they are kids, that's great. But, when they are adults we need to let them decide for themselves. Equally hard though, is when your kids become parents. I'm obviously not there yet, but we have been seeing how hard it is first hand. It's a struggle, especially when parenting ideals between the new grandparents and new parents don't align. At that point it all comes down to respect. But being a parent changes your outlook on life. You start changing your own life because of the things you want for your child(ren) and family down the road.

That's what has happened here. Someone said something to me yesterday that really resonates with me. Really has me stuck on what it means to have relationships and to have positive and healthy relationships. I got a lot of good advisement yesterday from a variety of sources and after sleeping on those things I have some words to say, some pride to swallow, and some wisdom to impart.

Words:
"You are speaking death into my marriage" Those were the first words that actually spoke to me about the situation we have been encountering with family lately. These words are true about all relationships though, not just marriage. I'd never heard it put this way, but I've said something similar to A. I have a friend whom I love. I don't dislike her husband, but I'm not his biggest fan. A asked me why don't I say something to her about it. I was shocked, and asked him why would I do that. After all, he's not my husband and it's her life and all that it would accomplish would be to cause a rift between my friend and I. Why would it cause a rift? Because I know her, and she (like myself) would be like, that's your opinion but he's my husband and I don't want to hear it. It speaks death into her marriage. Think about why we say the nasty things we say about other people. It's because we want to cause them to be separated and isolated from others. We may justify it as wanting to protect those we love, but the end result is the same: death to that relationship.

Swallowing Pride:
I am sorry to Natalie Hansen. I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said to her and the pain that I have caused her. Not my best moments. I hope that someday she can forgive me, when she is ready.

Wisdom:
If I want my son to know how to be a grown up (someday), or how to be a good man and have a good marriage then WE need to model that for him. We need to show him how to be a good person, respectful, caring, and genuine. I want my son to know that adults are not perfect, that family is important and that we need to have healthy boundaries to have healthy relationships. Healthy boundaries include those boundaries we place on ourselves. One of my own personal boundaries is to: live a life I'm not ashamed of. This is a part of that. Instead of being ashamed of my actions, I can learn from them, offer them to others as an example of 'what not to do' and I can atone for my misdeeds. If I want to give my son a better life, then I need to start by being a better model for him. If we want to change this world, then we need to start with changing ourselves. I want my son to fight for a relationship with us, if God forbid we find ourselves in the same situation again. So, WE need to show him what it looks like to fight for that, while protecting our hearts and each other. Because, when your children are grown what you have left is your spouse. So you need to protect them as much as you protect your children.


We have allowed death to be spoken into our marriage, and we have spoken death into the relationship with A's parents. We both have. We also allowed for it all to happen. We didn't stop and make the conscious effort to stop it, not do it ourselves, and sow in health and happiness. And that's about to change. We are changing that. It started last night and it is going to go on everyday of my life; so that our son will know what humility, respect, honor, love, family, and devotion all look like.  

Peking Duck

I'm not sure who decided to spread the myth that children are selfish and not good at sharing. But, they weren't correct. Not to say that they are wrong, they just aren't correct. Adults make kids bad at sharing. We teach them they have to give up whatever they have whenever someone else wants it, or after they've had it for a preset amount of time. Lets talk about unfair. We aren't teaching our kids to genuinely give and share when we do this. We just teach them that their wants don't matter and that they will get trouble if they don't give up their toy, color crayon, or stuffed animal.

When we let our kids play with their toys and crayons etc for as long as they like then, we are teaching them that their feelings matter to us and that when they are ready they can freely give up the item. No bullying, no punishment, no screaming. Just genuine love. Think about when Andy gives away his toys at the end of ToyStory3. He does it with such love, you know you bawled your eyes when it happened. That's what we should be teaching our kids. Sharing is caring, when it's done from a place of confidence not fear.

What does this have to do with raising a Little Dude to love the outdoors? Well, at some point we must address sharing. Ideally we'd address it now, because being squished between A and LD isn't cool and I don't want to share my bed with this many warm bodies, especially since A has been sick all day and I had to drag him to the grocery store earlier. Anyways, where was I...oh yes, what this has to do with our LD. He is an excellent sharer...if sharing his duck with dad counts. The other day it happened. He started offering A his yellow rubber duckie during their bath together. I came in to find the happiest LD shoving his duckie into A's mouth and then retrieving it and shoving it in his mouth. Back and forth whenever A asked for the duckie. My Little Dude can share!

Enjoy some of the beautiful moments caught on camera.

*Disclaimer
No duckies were harmed in the making of these moments and there aren't any visible penises.

"You have tomatoes in your front yard..."

Back in Sacto! Lots of changes going on with us, daily! What hasn't changed is that raising our LD is still an adventure. Now that we are back home the adventures are around every corner! LD is older and he's standing and starting to work on walking. Of course this also means he is getting into everything and our poor Stew is his favorite thing to chase. We have to help keep him out of LD's reach. All dogs are fun to LD!

We are also getting more teeth! #7 and #8 are coming in as I type. He is also biting my calf as I type, OUCH!  I hope we get a break for a while after these two finish coming in.

Almost first on our agenda for coming home was the garden! No more apartment, garden rules! I did some reading up on hugels and we are working on one of those in the actual garden. So for this year we planted a very small garden in the front flower bed. 2 tomatoes, cantaloupe, bell peppers, patypan squash, and pumpkin. Super small, but it's something, and now Z will get to have a home grown pumpkin for Halloween! (And of course his grandma has a lovely garden coming in with some butternut just for him). It's only temporary, just this one year, while we get the hugel set up and the backyard rototilled and reseeded. It doesn't seem to bother anyone in our neighborhood and they aren't coming up to our house to take veggies, so I think we are solid! Although, it has elicited some comments from family about the location of my tomatoes and curb appeal.

Curb appeal, for one summer it's not going to hurt our curb appeal. Plus, maybe that's the kind of buyer we will be looking for whenever we do sell our house. A nice young free spirited couple, like ourselves, just trying to make it in life while living the dream.

On The Road Again...

It is never ending. Relocating is such a pain in and of itself, but with family (especially a LD) it's a nightmare. There's no certainty on the horizon for A's potential future job with REI, and I've been waiting for a solid yes or no from a company since March. Last word was they still hadn't decided on who to interview face to face. But life must go on, wherever the jobs are. And we'll be together, wherever that is.

Hopefully somewhere that will facilitate LD's climbing. The dude is on a roll! He climbs everything that has foot and/or hand holds. As soon as one of us finds comparable work we will have to make a small climbing wall for LD. I'm super excited, a bit concerned, and deeply saddened-as most moms probably would be. He is getting so big and I miss my little man that was born early and so small. He is now bigger than kids older than him and has 6 teeth. He no longer wants to nap the day away in my arms. He wants to climb this thing and that, play with his train set, and "crawl" around. Though...crawling is not exactly what he does. It seems he isn't a fan of crawling. A few movements and then he's trying to stand himself up to walk. I don't know if he'll ever properly crawl, but I think walking will be upon us shortly.

And frolicking in the garden! My son has taken after his mom and has developed a love of tools and plants. Today I taught him how to transplant basil, after he decided that the shovel we got A for Father's Day was actually his, not A's. He watched very carefully as A began digging the trench in our garden. Lord help us, we might be raising the next generation of hippie.

Homeward Bound!

So, we are heading home to Sac. Its been an emotional and crazy two weeks, but this is our next step. We have a house there that we can better afford than this apartment and, most importantly, family.

That's a word that gets thrown around a lot, 'family'. But truly, we have been blessed with the most amazing family. And I don't just mean the biological families we came from. I include the many friends that we count as family. Today we received a phone call from one such person. She was beside herself with grief for our situation and it was very touching to know she cares for us so much. But she is not alone. We have received calls from many of our styled family. Words of love and encouragement to get us through. Now we are hoping to go home to that family and our biological family. Surrounded by kinship and love we will work our way back up from the ground.

So in a few weeks we'll be back to our adventures in parenting our Little Dude!! Hang in there with us as we make the move home. Much love to all our family.

ps. Little Dude went to his very first REI Used Gear Sale!! Yes, he's a member.

Flying by the Seat of our Pants...and Diaper.

Some of you already know what I'm about type. We've been conspicuously silent via social media on this, you want to know where we stand and what's going on. Here's the update:

Last Wednesday A was laid off as REI began their restructuring. He was not alone. We estimate that approximately 50 managers were displaced by the restructuring, including some of our good friends. The company cut 70 million dollars from their budget this year. Let me say that again so it really sinks in. They cut 70 million dollars from the budget. Wouldn't it be great if our federal government could do that!? That's a lot of dough. After the initial shock and devastation we sat down and discussed what would come next. What did we want going forward.

Background for those that don't know us personally: a few years ago we agreed to buy our house solely on A's income so that I could be a stay at home mom when we had kids and we could still survive. Until we moved to Fresno I still worked, since being a football trainer at a high school is extremely part time. With the move I became a full blown stay at home mom. Have loved every minute of it. But, that means we are entirely dependent on A's, now non existent, income.

Going forward it is very clear what we want. No child care, a parent with our kids at all times. Job(s) that is relevant to the outdoor/fitness world and lifestyle. Whatever that looks like. It was decided. With what A learned from HR about coming openings for managers (which would allow him to move laterally within the company) we set at getting him geared up for applications and the whole mess. Resume, cover letter, phone calls to stores to learn more about them, more phone calls to the same stores, making the list of stores that are good fits, and actually applying.

We are near the end of this process and will soon be waiting to hear for which stores he made the interview pools. Hopefully all that he applies to. Besides these openings we are also considering other options, but secretly hoping and praying that we are moving to the east coast or the south in a few weeks because he's been chosen by an REI there. I have put my resume out to other companies in the outdoor industry who are looking for someone with my stellar qualifications. We are waiting to hear back. This is a lot of hurry up and wait and the waiting is killer.

We cannot afford to stay here in the Freazy. So we will be breaking our lease, no matter what, at the end of the month. We will box up our things and wait to hear what is going to happen. By the end of April we should know where we are going. Either to the eastern seaboard or back to Sacramento. It is with all of our hopes and prayers though, that no matter what A continues on with REI doing what he loves. This is man who so believes in this company that after being displaced he stood up and told his, now former, core staff that everything that is going on is so that REI can keep gearing people up for another 100 years. That he is okay being temporarily displaced while the company restructures. I'm so very proud of him and I pray that his attitude will be what really strikes at the hearts of these potential stores.

When we know more, we will let you all know. But until then please keep us, and all the displaced managers, in your thoughts and/or prayers.

We have Toothage!! Much like Carthage...

Our LD bust out his first tooth last night, just days before he turns 7mo! He's getting so big, it makes me a little sad. This tooth explains the last two nights of awful sleep we've all gotten. Nothing like kicking the dog off the bed so you can sleep at the foot instead. Good thing we have such a great dog.

LD went on his first camping trip over the weekend too. It was pretty good, but got too cold for a little dude. He and I bailed while our dog and the hubs camped out. To keep LD warm enough he needed to be in my bag with me. But to have him safely in my bag I had to have it un zipped and my upper body out of the bag. No bueno. Even a down sweater couldn't keep me warm. So, we'll go again in a few months when the weather is warmer!

It seems natural to me that we incorporate our son into our lifestyle instead of changing our lifestyle. There are a lot of folks out there that frown upon the more natural parenting style and the more natural life. I don't usually seem to run into them, but I hear horror stories from other natural mamas. Pediatricians who don't approve of not vaccinating, the use of amber necklaces, making ones own baby food, breast feeding without vitamin D supplement...the list goes on. It makes me a little sad for these women. I'm not special, I'm sure my pediatrician disapproves of some things we do. He can't stand Dr. Sears, though he is a former student of his. But the only thing our pediatrician has ever said concerning our more natural approach is to remove LD's amber necklace at night when we're all asleep. I shudder to think what some other pediatrician might say about our choices. But you know, does it really matter? LD loves his homemade peas and his boob, he's well fed and loved. And that is a recurrent theme I find in the natural parenting community, well loved babies...with awesome cloth diaper prints. Most parents I've met make their choices for the same reasons, the love of their children. So let us all parent our kids in our own way. Your child might be a wiz at computers by 5, but my goal is for LD to be a wiz at nature by 5.